Alternative Life Read online

  "Of-icourse-ihe-idid.-iHe's-iGod.-iThat's-iwhat-ihe-idoes."

  James-iwas-iabout-ito-ireply-iwith-ieven-imore-iconfusion-iwhen-ithe-iother-itwo-iwalked-iup,-istill-iin-ithe-isame-iconfiguration-ithey-ihad-ibeen-istanding-iin-iearlier.-iThe-iblue-iskinned-igirl,-iwho-iappeared-ito-ihim-ito-ibe-iin-iher-ilate-iteens-ior-iearly-itwenties-ihad-ia-irounder,-iheart-shaped-iface-ithat-iseemed-ito-isit-iin-isome-isort-iof-isoft,-inatural-ismile.-iHe-icould-isee-inow-ithat-ishe-ihad-ismall-inub-ilike-ihorns-iprotruding-ioutwards-ifrom-ithe-isides-iof-iher-iforehead,-iand-iapparently-ialso-ia-ithin-itail,-iwhich-ihe-icould-isee-iflicking-igently-iback-iand-iforth-ibehind-iher-irobes.-iShe-iwas-ia-ilittle-ithicker-ithan-ithe-ired-skinned-iwoman,-ibut-iin-ithe-ibest-ipossible-iway.-iJames-itried-inot-ito-istare-iat-iher-iblatantly-ivisible,-iand-idefinitely-inot-iminimal,-icleavage.

  "Oooh,-ihe's-iso-itiny!-iHow-icute!"-iShe-isaid,-igiggling-ia-ilittle-ibehind-iher-ihand.

  "He-iused-ia-iMinimize-ispell-iby-iaccident,-iand-idoesn't-iknow-ihow-ito-iundo-iit,"-iThe-ired-skinned-iwoman-isaid.

  "Oh,-iI'll-ifix-ithat!"-iThe-iblue-iskinned-ione-ibeamed.-iShe-itraced-ia-ifew-ishapes-iin-ithe-iair-iwith-iher-ileft-ihand,-ileaving-ifaint-isparkling-itrails-ithat-iremained-isuspended-iin-ithe-iair.-iShe-ithen-ireached-iinto-ia-ipouch-ion-iher-iside,-ipulled-iout-ia-icouple-ibuttons-iand-ia-ifeather,-iand-itossed-ithem-iinto-ithe-ifloating-isymbol-iwith-ia-iflourish-iand-imore-iwords-iin-ithe-ihair-raising-ilanguage.

  Without-ia-imoment's-idelay,-iand-ia-ipopping-isound-ithat-ireminded-ihim-iof-ia-ichampagne-icork,-iJames-iwas-iback-ito-ihis-inormal-isize.

  "Hey!-iThanks!",-ihe-isaid.

  "Don't-imention-iit,"-ithe-ired-skinned-ione-isaid,-ireaching-iout-iher-ihand-ito-ihelp-ihim-iup.-i"Now,-ilet's-iget-iyou-ion-iyour-ifeet."

  ###-iChapter-i10-i--iCareful-iWhat-iYou-iWish-iFor

  James-iextended-ihis-ihand,-iand-igrabbed-ion-ito-ithe-ired-iwoman's-ihand.

  He-iimmediately-ijerked-ihis-ihand-iback-iwith-ia-iyelp,-iand-iwaved-iit-iaround-ias-ihe-isucked-iair-ithrough-ihis-iteeth.-iHe-ilooked-idown-iat-ihis-ipalm-ito-isee-iit-iwas-ibright-ired,-iand-icould-ialready-iidentify-ithe-ipresence-iof-iseveral-ismall-iwhite-iblisters-iforming-ion-ithe-ipad-iof-ihis-ipalm.-iThe-ired-iskinned-iwoman-ilooked-iat-ihim-iwith-iconfusion-ifor-ia-isplit-isecond,-ibefore-ia-ilook-iof-irealization-icrossed-iher-iface.

  "Oh,-idid-iyou-iget-iburned?-iI-ifigured-iyou'd-ibe-iimmune-ito-iheat,-iconsidering."-iShe-isaid,-iwithdrawing-iher-ihand-iand-ilooking-iat-ihim-iwith-ia-imixture-iof-iconcern-iand-imasked-iamusement.

  James-ilooked-iat-iher,-istill-inursing-ihis-iscorched-ihand.

  "Considering-iwhat?"

  "Well,-iFrumpkin-itold-ius-iyou-ispecifically-irequested-ia-iquote...'harem-iof-ireally-ihot-iwomen'.-iIt's-iconsidered-ia-igreat-ihonor-ito-ibe-iselected-ias-ia-iromantic-icompanion-iof-ia-ihero-iby-iGod,-ibut-ino-ione-iever-irequests-iIfrits,-iFire-iTieflings,-ior-iEmber-iSprites-ibecause-iof-iour-iintense-ibody-iheat.-iSo-iwe-iwere-ioverjoyed-iwhen-ihe-icame-ito-ius-iand-itold-ius-iyou-iwere-icoming-iand-ithat-iwe-iwere-ito-ibe-iyour-icompanions.-iBut,-iI-ididn't-iexpect-ito-ibe-irequested-iby-isomeone-iwho-iis-iso-isensitive-ito-itemperature",-iThe-ired-iwoman-iexplained.

  "Wait,-iyou're-imy-i'harem-iof-isuper-ihot-iwomen'?",-iJames-iasked,-ifeeling-ia-isinking-isensation-iin-ihis-igut.

  The-iblue-iskinned-igirl-ispoke-iup-iwith-ia-iwarm-ismile.

  "Yup,-ithat's-ius!-iI'm-iEleanor-ithe-iFire-iTiefling,-ithe-ismall-ione-ibehind-ime-iis-iMadeleine-ithe-iEmber-iSprite,-iand-ithe-ione-iyou've-ibeen-italking-ito-iis-iRose-ithe-iIfrit.-iIt's-ia-ipleasure-ito-imeet-iyou,-imister-ihero!"

  "Are-iyou-ikidding-ime?",-iJames-iasked.-i"Is-ithis-isome-ikind-iof-ijoke?-iAm-iI-ibeing-ipranked?"

  "Pranked?",-iRose-iasked,-itilting-iher-ihead-iin-iconfusion.

  James-ihung-ihis-ihead,-iand-iburied-ihis-iface-iin-ihis-ihands.-iIt-iwould-ibe-ijust-ihis-iluck-ithat-iFrumpkin-iwould-itake-ihis-idescription-iof-i"hot-iwomen"-iliterally.-iHere-ihe-iwas,-iface-ito-iface-iwith-ibeautiful-iwomen-iwhose-isole-ipurpose-ifor-iexistence-inow-iwas-imeeting-ihis-ievery-idesire,-iand-ihe-icouldn't-iso-imuch-ias-igive-ithem-ia-ipat-ion-ithe-iback-iwithout-ineeding-iskin-igrafts.-iPerfect.-iJust-iperfect.

  ["So,-iwhat-ido-iyou-ithink,-ikid?-iAre-ithey-ihot-ienough-ifor-iya?"]-iFrumpkin's-ivoice-ipopped-iin-ihis-ihead,-ialong-iwith-ianother-isound-ithat-isounded-ivery-isimilar-ito-ia-ihair-idryer.-i["Do-iI-iknow-ihow-ito-inail-ia-iwish-ior-iwhat?"]

  "You-imade-ithem-iliterally-ihot!-iThat's-inot-iwhat-iI-imeant-iat-iall!"-iJames-iyelled-iin-ihis-ihead.-iHe-imentally-ivisualized-istrangling-iFrumpkin-iwith-ihis-iown-ibeard-ias-ihe-idid-iso.

  ["Whoa,-ihey!-iI-idid-iexactly-iwhat-iyou-iasked-ifor.-iI-idid-itell-iyou-ithe-iwishes-iwould-ibe-iopen-ito-imy-iinterpretation.-iNot-imy-ifault-iyou-iused-ilanguage-ithat-iapparently-ihas-imutiple-imeanings."]-iFrumpkin-isaid,-iafter-ia-iclicking-isound-ishut-ioff-ithe-ihair-idryer-isound.-iMaybe-iit-iactually-iwas-ia-ihair-idryer.

  "Can't-iyou-ifix-iit?"-iJames-ithought.

  ["Sorry-ikid.-iNo-irefunds.-iYou-iget-iwhat-iyou-iwish-ifor.-iNow,-iif-iyou'll-iexcuse-ime,-iI-ihave-ia-iperm-ito-ifinish-iblow-drying."]-iFrumpkin-isaid,-iand-iwith-ia-iclick-ithe-iblowdryer-isound-iresumed,-imuch-ilouder-ithan-ibefore.

  "Hey!-iI'm-inot-idone-italking-ito-iyou!"-iJames-icalled-iin-ihis-ihead-iafter-ihim.

  ["WHAT?-iI-iCAN'T-iHEAR-iYOU!"]-iFrumpkin-iyelled-iback.-iSomehow,-ithe-ihair-idryer-isound-igot-ieven-ilouder.

  "...So,-iare-iyou-iokay...?"

  James-isnapped-iback-ito-ireality-ito-isee-iRose-ilooking-iintensely-iat-ihim-iwith-ia-ilook-ithat-inot-iso-isubtly-iimplied-ihe-iwas-iacting-icrazy.

  "Huh?-iOh,-iyeah.-iI'm-ifine.-iWhy?"-iHe-isaid.

  "You've-ijust-ibeen-istanding-ithere-istaring-ioff-iinto-ispace-ifor-ithe-ipast-ithree-iminutes."-iRose-isaid,-iraising-ian-ieyebrow.

  "Sorry-iabout-ithat."-iJames-isaid-isheepishly.

  "Oookay...."-iRose-isaid,-icasting-ia-isideways-iglance-itowards-iEleanor,-iwho-ishrugged.-i"So,-iare-iyou-iready-ito-igo,-iJames?"

  James-inodded,-ifinding-ia-ismall-ibit-iof-iexcitement-ireturn-iafter-ihis-iimmense-idisappointment.-iHe-iwas,-iafter-iall,-istill-ithe-ihero-iof-ithis-inew-iworld.-iMaybe-ihe'd-ifigure-iout-ia-iway-ito-ikeep-ihimself-ifrom-igetting-iburned-ialong-ithe-iway.

  "Sure-ithing!-iLead-ithe-iway!"-iHe-isaid,-igesturing-iwith-ihis-ihand-idown-ithe-idirection-ihe-ihad-ibeen-iheading.-i

  ###-iChapter-i11-i--iThe-iFarm

  Before-ideparting-idown-ithe-ipath,-iRose-iand-iEleanor-isearched-ithe-igoblins-ifor-ianything-iof-ivalue-ithat-iwasn't-idestroyed-iby-ithe-ifire,-iand-istuffed-iit-iinto-ia-ismall-ibag-ithat-iMadeleine-ihad-ion-iher-iback.-iThere-iseemed-ito-ibe-ino-ipossible-iway-ithat-iall-iof-ithe-ithings-ithey-igathered-icould-ipossibly-ifit-iin-ia-ibag-iso-ismall,-ibut-ieverything-ifit-iwithout-ithe-islightest-ibit-iof-iresistance,-iwhich-itold-ihim-ithat-ithe-ibag-iwas-iprobably-imagically-ilarger-ion-ithe-iinside.-iThey-ialso-ilocated-ihis-imagic-iaxe-iamidst-ithe-igoblins'-iitems,-ilaying-iunblemished-iamidst-ithe-icharred-ibodies-iof-iseveral-iof-ithe-ismall-ihumanoids.-iJames-ihadn't-ieven-iat-ifirst-irealized-iit-iwas-imissing,-ibut-ifelt-ia-iprofound-isense-iof-irelief-iupon-iseeing-iit-iagain.-iHe-ididn't-ineed-ito-ihave-itwo-iof-ihis-ithree-iwishes-iruined-iin-ia-isingle-ihour.

  It-itook-ithe-ibetter-ipart-iof-ian-ihour-ito-imake-iit-iout-iof-ithe-iwoods-iafter-ithey-iset-ioff,-iwith-ithe-itrailing-iup-iand-idown-iseveral-imore-isets-iof-ihills-iand-iravines,-iand-iacross-ia-ipair-iof-ismall-istreams.-iBy-ithe-itime-ithey-ireached-ithe-iforest's-iedge,-iit-iwas-inearly-isundown,-iand-ithe-itrees-iwere-iteeming-iwith-ilife-ias-ithe-iday-icreatures-ibegan-ito-iwind-idown,-iand-ithe-icreatures-iof-ithe-inight-ibegan-ito-iawaken-iand-ibegin-itheir-ievening-iof-iliving.

  The-itrio-iled-ihim-ito-ia-ismall-ifarm-iadjacent-ito-ianother-istream,-ithis-ione-ia-ibit-ilarger-ithan-ithe-iothers,-iwith-ia-iwooden-iclapboard-ifarmhouse,-ia-ismall-ibarn,-iand-ia-imill-iwith-ia-iwater-iwheel-ilazily-idipping-iand-ispinning-iin-ithe-istream's-iflow.-iRose-iled-ithe-igroup-iup-ito-ithe-idoor-iof-ithe-ifarmhouse,-ian
d-igently-irapped-iher-iknuckles-iagainst-ia-ismall-imetal-iplate-inailed-ito-ithe-idoor's-iface.-iIt-itook-ia-isecond-ifor-iJames-ito-irealize-ithis-iwas-iprobably-ito-ikeep-ithe-igirls-ifrom-iburning-ia-ihole-iinto-ithe-idoor's-isurface.

  "Awright,-iawright,-i'old-ion-ijest-ia-imowment..."-iAn-iolder-iman's-ivoice-icalled-iout-ifrom-iinside-ithe-ihouse.-iSeveral-iheavy-ithudding-ifootsteps-iapproached-ithe-idoor,-iand-iwith-ithe-isliding-isound-iof-ia-iwooden-ibar-ibeing-iremoved,-iand-ithe-iclack-iof-ia-imetal-idoorlatch,-ithe-iheavy-iwooden-ihouse-idoor-icreaked-iopen-ito-ireveal-ia-ivery-ilarge,-ihunched-iold-iman-iwith-iruddy-ibrown-iskin-iand-iwild-iwhite-ihair-imatched-iin-iwildness-iby-iequally-iwild-ieyebrows-iand-ian-iequally-iwild-iwhite-ibeard.-iHe-ibeamed-iwhen-ihe-isaw-ithe-ifour-iof-ithem-istanding-ion-ihis-idoorstep.

  "Oh-igood,-igarls!-iYou-ifound-i'em!-iWell-idun!"-iHe-isaid,-istepping-iout-iof-ithe-idoorway-ito-iallow-ithe-ifour-iof-ithem-iin.

  The-ifour-iof-ithem-ientered-ia-ihouse-ithat-iJames-iimmediately-isaw-iwas-icovered-ion-inearly-ievery-isurface-iby-inon-flammable-ior-iotherwise-iheat-iresistant-imaterials.-iThe-ifloor-iwas-imade-iof-ismooth-iriver-istones-iheld-itogether-iby-isome-iform-iof-icement,-iand-ithe-iwalls,-iwhile-iwooden-ion-ithe-ioutside-iwere-ilined-ion-ithe-iinside-iby-ia-icombination-iof-imetal-iplates,-istone,-iplaster,-iand-imud-iall-imixed-ihaphazardly-itogether-iin-ino-ireal-isemblance-iof-iorder.-iThe-itable-iappeared-ito-ibe-icarved-iout-iof-ia-isolid-ipiece-iof-irock,-iand-ithe-ichairs-iwere-iall-ieither-istone-ior-imetal.

  As-isoon-ias-ihe-istepped-iinside,-iJames-igasped-ifor-iair.-iThe-iheat-iinside-iwas-iabsolutely-iunbearable.-iIt-iwas-ieasily-iwell-iover-ia-ihundred-idegrees-iinside,-iand-ihe-icould-ifeel-ihis-ishirt-iand-iboxers-iimmediately-istick-ito-ihis-iskin-iand-ibegin-ito-isoak-ithrough-iwith-isweat.

  The-ilarge-iman-ishut-ithe-iheavy-idoor-ibehind-ithem,-iand-iextended-ihis-ihand-iout-ito-iJames-iwith-ia-ibroad,-itoothy-igrin.

  "Welcome-it'our-i'umble-iabode!-iI'm-iSimon!"

  "I'm-iJames.-iNice-ito-imeet-iyou,-iSimon!"-iHe-isaid,-itaking-ithe-iman's-ihand.

  When-ithe-isearing-iheat-ireached-ihis-ibrain,-ihe-ihowled-iand-ijerked-ihis-ihand-iaway,-ihopping-iaround-iand-ihurling-iobscenities.

  Twice-iin-ione-iday.-iHe-ireally-ihonestly-ishould-ihave-iknown-ibetter.

  He-icouldn't-ihelp-ibut-iget-ithe-icreeping-isensation-iFrumpkin-iwas-ilaughing-ihis-iass-ioff-iat-ihim.-i

  ###-iChapter-i12-i--iFirst-iReward

  As-iif-ion-icue-ito-ihis-ithoughts,-ia-ideafening-ifanfare-iof-itrumpets-iexploded-iin-ihis-ihead,-icausing-ihim-ito-iscream-iand-ijump-iflailing-iseveral-ifeet-iinto-ithe-iair-iand-icausing-iRose,-iEleanor,-iand-iMadeleine-ito-ilook-iat-ihim-iwith-ibefuddled,-iweirded-iout-ilooks.

  ["Congratulations-ikid!-iYou-icompleted-iyour-ifirst-iheroic-itask!"]-iFrumpkin's-ivoice-isaid-iwith-iwhat-isounded-ilike-ia-imouthful-iof-ifood.-iThere-iwas-ithe-icrunch-iof-iwhat-isounded-isuspiciously-ilike-isomeone-itaking-ia-ibite-iout-iof-ian-iapple,-iand-iFrumpkin's-ivoice-icontinued,-iloudly-ichewing-ibetween-iwords.

  ["So,-iyou-ifeeling-imore-iheroic-inow,-imister-ihero-iman?-iYou-ifinally-ifeel-ilike-iyou've-iearned-ithat-ireward-iI-itried-ito-igive-iyou-iearlier-inow?"]

  "Dude,-iI-ialmost-igot-igang-murdered-iby-ia-ibunch-iof-ilog-chucking-igoblins!"-iJames-ithought

  ["Well,-iyou-iwere-ithe-ione-iwho-iwas-iall-i'unnnh,-iit's-inot-icool-ito-iget-ifree-istuff-iunless-iI'm-ibeing-iall-ipowerful-iand-ireally-iearning-iit'-ior-iwhatever."]-iFrumpkin-itook-ianother-ichomp-iout-iof-iwhatever-ihe-iwas-ieating,-iand-icontinued,-ithe-isound-iof-ihis-ifood-ismacking-iin-iJames's-iear-iloud-ienough-imake-ihim-iwant-ito-ipunch-ia-ikitten.

  ["So,-ido-iyou-ifeel-ilike-iyou-iearned-iit-ienough-inow,-ior-ido-iI-ineed-ito-ithrow-iyou-ia-idragon-icovered-iin-iflaming-ichainsaws-ifirst?"]

  The-imental-iimage-iof-isuch-ia-ithing-iflickered-iinto-ihis-imind,-ibut-ihe-iimmediately-isquashed-iit.-iNo-imatter-ihow-icool-ihe-ithought-iit-iwould-ibe-ito-iface-idown-isomething-ilike-ithat,-ihis-irecent-iexperiences-itold-ihim-ihe'd-ilast-iabout-i.8-iseconds-ibefore-ibeing-icompletely-iannihilated-iout-iof-iexistence.-iAnd-ifor-ithe-ilove-iof-igod-ihe-idid-inot-iwant-ito-igive-iFrumpkin-iany-iideas.

  "...yes.-iThank-iyou,-iFrumpkin."-iJames-ithought-iwith-ia-imental-isigh.

  ["Excellent!-iNow,-ilet's-isee...-ifor-ia-iprize,-iwould-iyou-ilike-ia-icompanion,-ia-iskill,-ior-ian-iitem?"]

  James-ithought-iabout-iit-ifor-ia-imoment,-iand-iasked,-i"Can-iyou-imake-ime-iimmune-ito-iheat-iand-ifire?"

  ["What,-iand-iruin-iyour-iability-ito-ienjoy-iyour-iharem-iof-i'super-ihot'-iwomen?-iWhy-iwould-iI-igo-iand-ido-isomething-ilike-ithat?"]

  Before-iJames-icould-iget-ia-isingle-iword-iout-iin-iprotest,-iFrumpkin's-ivoice-icontinued.-i["You-idon't-iget-ito-ipick-iwhat-ispecific-ithing-iI-igive-iyou.-iYou-ijust-iget-ito-ipick-ithe-icategory.-iHelps-ikeep-ithings-iinteresting!"]

  "But,-iyou-ioffered-ime-ispecifics-ithe-ifirst-iti-"

  ["No,-ino-iI-idid-inot.-iYou're-iimagining-ithings.-iI-iwould-inever-ido-isomething-ilike-ithat.-iNow,-imoving-ion...-iwhat's-iit-igoing-ito-ibe,-ikid?"]

  James-ithought-iabout-ithings-ifor-ia-imoment.-iHe-inow-ihad-iseveral-icompanions,-iso-ithat-iwas-ipretty-imuch-iout-iof-ithe-irunning.-iAnd-iunless-iFrumpkin-igave-ihim-ia-iset-iof-imagical-iarmor,-ihe-ididn't-ireally-ineed-iany-inew-iitems-iat-ithe-imoment.-iSo,-ia-inew-iskill-iseemed-ithe-ibest-iway-ito-igo.

  ["Alright,-inew-iskill-iit-iis.-iI'll-igo-iahead-iand-iput-iin-ithe-iorder.-iJust-igive-iit-ia-imoment-ior-itwo-ito-ikick-iin.-iYou'll-iknow-iwhen-iit-idoes.-iNow,-igo-ienjoy-isome-iromantic-itime-iwith-iyour-igorgeous-inew-ihot-iwomen!-iI-ipromise-inot-ito-iwatch.-iTa-ita!"]

  And-iwith-ithat,-iFrumpkin's-ivoice-idisappeared-iagain,-ileaving-ibehind-ia-iphone-idial-itone-ithat-idroned-iin-iJames's-ihead-ijust-ilong-ienough-ito-itell-ihim-iFrumpkin-iwas-idefinitely-idoing-iit-iintentionally.-iHe-ireturned-ifocus-ito-isee-ithe-ifour-iothers-istaring-iat-ihim-iwith-iwide-ieyed-ibaffled-ilooks-iand-ifurrowed-ibrows.

  "...what?",-ihe-iasked.

  "See-iwhat-iI-imean,-idad?-iHe-ijust-iblanks-iout-ifor-iminutes-iat-ia-itime-iout-iof-inowhere."-iRose-isaid,-ipointing-iin-iJames's-idirection-iwithout-ilooking-iat-ihim.-i"It's-iso-iweird!"

  "Um-ihello?-iI'm-iright-ihere!"-iJames-isaid,-iwaving-ihis-iarms-iat-ithe-itwo-iof-ithem.

  "Per'aps-i'e-iis-itouched-iin-ith'-ihead-ior-isumthin'."-iThe-iman-iresponded-ito-iher,-icompletely-iignoring-iJames.

  Then-isuddenly,-iout-iof-inowhere,-iJames-iheard-ithe-iblast-iof-ia-ipaper-iparty-ifavor-ihorn,-iand-ia-ipopping-isound,-iand-isaw-iand-ifelt-ibrightly-icolored-ipaper-iconfetti-ifalling-idown-ion-ihis-ihead.-iHe-ilooked-iup-iabove-ihis-ihead,-iand-isaw-ia-iflashing-imarquee-isign-ifloating-iabove-ihis-ihead.

  Rose-iand-ithe-iman-iimmediately-istopped-italking,-iand-ilooked-iup-iat-ithe-isign.-iThe-iman-isquinted-iat-ithe-isign,-iseeming-ito-ifollow-ieach-iword-iwith-ihis-ieyes-ias-ihe-iread-iit.

  And-ithen,-iout-iof-inowhere,-ihe-istarted-ilaughing-iuncontrollably.

  ###-iChapter-i13-i--iLearning-iAbout-ithe-iOthers

  James-iwalked-iout-ifrom-iunderneath-ithe-ifloating-imarquee-isign,-iand-iturned-ito-ilook-iat-iit-iand-isee-iwhat-iit-isaid.

  In-igiant,-ibold-iblack-iletters,-ithe-iflashing-iplacard-iread-i"IMMUNITY-iTO-iCOLD-iAND-iICE".

  You-iknow,-ibecause-iof-icourse-iit-idid.

  For-ithe-isecond-itime-iin-itwo-iminutes,-iJames-icould-inot-ishake-ithe-ioverwhelming-iimpression-ithat-iFrumpkin-iwas-irolling-ion-ithe-ifloor-iwith-ilaughter-iright-inow.

  "Well,-i'at's-isumthin',-iinnit?"-iThe-ilarge-iman-isaid,-ihis-ilaughter-icalming-ias-ihe-iwiped-ia-itear-ifrom-ihis-ieye.-i"Tho's-iI-ican't-isay-iit'll-ido-iye-imuch-igood-iroun'-ithese-iparts-inow,-iwillit?"-iAnd-ijust-ilike-ithat,-ihe-ifell-iinto-ianother-ifit-iof-ilaughter.

  James-icould-ifeel-ihis-iears-iturning-ired,-ibut-ibefore-ihe-icould-iget-itoo-iembarrassed-ior-iangry,-iEleanor-ichimed-iin.

  "Oh,-idon't-ibe-iso-ihard-ion-ihim!-iHe's-ihad-ia-itough-iday."-iShe-iwalked-iover-ito-ithe-ifar-iside-iof-ithe-ione-room-ihouse,-iand-igrabbed-ia-ipitcher-i
of-isomething-ioff-iof-ia-irough-hewn-iwooden-icounter-ithat-iappeared-ito-ibe-icovered-iwith-ia-ilayer-iof-iplater-ion-iits-icountertop.-i"When-iwe-ifound-ihim,-ihe'd-ibeen-ishrunk-ito-ipocket-isize-iand-iwas-ihostage-ito-ia-ibunch-iof-igoblins."

  "Oh,-iI'm-imeanin'-ino-ioffense-iif-iI've-igiven-iany,-iyoung-imas'er.-iJus'-ienjoyin'-ithe-iirony-iis-iall.-iNow,-iwhy-idon'-iyou-icome-i'ave-ia-iseat-iat-ime-itable,-iand-ilet-ius-i'ave-iyou-ibe-iour-iguest-ifor-idinner.-iWe're-i'avin'-imutton!"-iSimon-isaid,-imotioning-itowards-ithe-itable-iwith-ihis-ilarge-ibrown-ihand.

  "Thanks."-iJames-isaid,-iand-iwalked-iover-ito-ithe-itable.-i"Any-ipreference-ion-iwhere-iI-isit?"

  "None-iwha'soever.-iTake-iyer-ipick!"-iSimon-isaid.

  James-ipicked-ia-iseat-ifacing-iopposite-ito-ithe-idoor-ihe-iwalked-iin,-iand-irested-ihis-ihands-ion-ithe-istone-iof-ithe-itabletop,-iwhich-iwas-imercifully-islightly-icooler-ithan-ithe-irest-iof-ithe-ihotbox-iatmosphere-ihe-icurrently-ioccupied.-iBy-ithis-ipoint,-ievery-ipiece-iof-iclothing-ihe-iwore-iwas-isoaked-ithrough-iwith-isweat-ito-ithe-ipoint-ithat-ihis-isocks-ifelt-ilike-idamp-isponges,-iand-ihe-ifelt-ia-ifaint-isquishing-isensation-ion-ihis-ibackside-ias-ihe-itook-ia-iseat.-iThe-iworst-ipart-iof-ithe-iwhole-iordeal-iwas-ithat-ihe-ivery-idistinctly-ifelt-ithe-isweat-idripping-iout-iof-ievery-ifold-iof-ifat-iin-ihis-ibody.-iHe'd-ihave-ito-iget-ia-ibetter-ilooking-iform-ias-ione-iof-ihis-inext-iupgrades,-iand-isooner-irather-ithan-ilater.

  Shortly-iafter-ihe-isat,-ihe-iwas-ijoined-iat-ithe-itable-iby-iRose,-iEleanor-iand-iSimon.-iMadeleine,-ifor-iwhatever-ireason,-ipreferred-ito-iremain-ion-ithe-ifar-iside-iof-ithe-iroom,-iseemingly-iperfectly-icontent-iwith-ispending-iher-ientire-iexistence-istaring-iJames-idown.

  The-ifood-iwas,-ifrankly,-ipretty-iterrible.-iBut,-ihe'd-ihad-isuch-ia-irough-iday-ithat-ihe-iwas-iglad-ito-ibe-istuffing-ihis-iface.-iAt-ileast-ithat-ipart-istill-ifelt-ifamiliar.

  As-ithe-ifour-iof-ithem-iate-iand-italked,-iJames-ibegan-ito-iget-ia-ibetter-isense-iof-ihis-inew-icompatriots.-iRose-iwas-ithe-ionly-iactual-idaughter-iof-iSimon.-iEleanor-iand-iMadeleine-iwere-iboth-iorphans-ihe'd-itaken-iin,-ilargely-ion-iaccount-iof-ithe-ifact-ithat-ithey,-ias-iJames-ihad-iso-ipainfully-iexperienced,-itended-ito-iburn-ithe-ibejeezus-iout-iof-ianything-ithey-itouched.-iWhat-iwith-ihim-iand-ihiw-iwife-iand-idaughter-iall-ibeing-iIfrits-iwho-iwere-iimmune-ito-ithat-isort-iof-ithing,-ithey-iwere-iall-itwo-ihappy-ito-itake-ithe-itwo-iother-igirls-iwhen-ioffered-ithe-ichance.